Warning: If you don’t like it cheesy, don’t read this post.
I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. It wasn’t scheduled and I didn’t see it coming, but, as a Libra ( very proud one, with sun in Libra, and moon in Libra), love is always welcomed in my life and in my schedule. Although it makes me suffer. Although it humiliates, devastates and puzzles me. Although I really suck at it. Being in love is so good that I’ll always take it. No matter what.
I’ve never dated someone I truly loved. I know, it’s sad to hear, and it’s said to say it, but I know many of us are in the same situation. I’m 33 years old, and I’ve never dated, loved, kissed or made love with a man I truly loved. From the bottom of my heart.
When I really liked someone (and it’s rare to find true love), I’d be afraid and want to run and hide under the covers and pretend it wasn’t happenning, it couldn’t be, I could not be falling in love — just to wake up everyday and smile knowing how good it was, to be in love. It finally had happened. TO ME.
I dated friends while daydreaming about the guy I truly was interested with. Yep, I did it. I “tried” with really nice boys, but with whom I didn’t feel in love.
I’ve also experienced heartbreaks, I’ve said “I love you” and heard “NOs”, and I know how it feels like. I’ve also said no sometimes too, and that is all part of life. I’ve lost a lot because of love, or, better, because of my inability to give myself fully to it. To trust it and fully embrace it. I’ve suffered and was beaten. I’ve lost the game.
However (there is always a however, isn’t it?), I still believe in love. The love between a man and a woman, a girl and a boy, a man and a man, a woman and a woman, that love that unites two bodies as if that was the purpose of the Universe itself. I believe in it with all my soul, and I’ll never give it up.
And I go on further, and must confess that I believe in fairy tales, in love at the first sight, in love before the first sight, in falling in love with a voice, with a smile, in falling in love during a phone call, or only by listening the description of someone to you. I believe in Jane Austen, and in Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet, I still resent Titanic’s director for not creating a bigger door for Jack and Rose to share, and although I don’t like Romeo and Juliet (they were stupid, weren’t they?), I just adore when the love is forbidden. A little twisted. Complicated and missunderstood. You know, that kind of love that takes some time to really sink in? When we perceive we’re falling and say “Oh, men! Not again!”. That love-trouble. It gets me all excited about. Like when we were a child and just about to hear an amazing story. A love story!
In my language, we call love “Amor”. It’s one of our most beautiful words. We should not fear it. Sometimes, we are afraid of falling in love, because, it is just devastating to say good bye. What if I outgrow my love? What if my love outgrows me? What if it’s just passion? What if there is someone else and better around the corner? What if, what if…
What if it’s truly love? You’ll never know if you don’t open yourself to it. Even if you’re not willing to love, my advice is “don’t suffer”. Enjoy the ride. Being in love is no shame, even if it’s platonic, forbidden or unfulfilling. Love yourself first — that’s the number one priority. That is all.
You know, I have lots of problems to solve, like everybody else. And maybe even a little bit, because I like to think that I have a strong spirit and can handle it (of course it’s delusional), but despite all my problems, I’ve never stoped to believe in love.
And never will. I want it all: the castles, the princessess, the princes, the dresses, the kisses, the Disney songs, I want it all. And I know it’s there for me, as long as I keep looking for it.
You should keep looking too. Never believe in this BS that says love must be “practical”, that romance is something for the movies or for fools. Keep looking for your fairy tale. It’s mine and yours to take, and I believe it only takes an unshakable faith to have it.
Have an enchanting and loving week.